This life, is just a figment of my imagaination. But i wont give up.

I've sat here in front of the computer for about the last hour, thinking of what emotions are worth to express. I think, I just don’t want to think, about anything really, especially relating to her. But it seems as though she wont leave me in peace, is like her revenge isn’t good enough, the situations we've both been through isn’t an even battle, she’s constantly on my back. She honestly makes me want to jump off a bridge, but not in a digressional way, but as a way to escape her brutal words. She’s the one that makes me want to leave this world, just for a short period, because maybe by the time i return, she would've gone back to where ever she came from, which would honestly be a great thing. I’m so against arguing, curtly, abuse, bullying.. This is killing me, She honestly makes me so, ahh!

I truly believe she’s here to make the small amount of self-esteem I have, go through the floor, its almost as if she was put here, to take me away. When I think about it, which seems to be always, it makes me think, she’s the reason I cant sleep most nights. And that sounds like the beginning of a love story, but its the complete opposite, she makes me not want to close my eyes, not because I miss her by my side, but because she haunts my thoughts, takes away my pride.

She was that girl, that just her smile, made everythingfeel worth it. The level of respect i felt for her, was crazy.. Now, I am just disappointed, and what hurts the most, is the fact that I’ve lowered to her level, its just not me. The worst thing about it, is the fact I’ve chosen her as a topic to discuss with the world, but I just cant help it, this feeling, I cant obtain any longer, I cant keep it hidden away in my chest, the pounding she creates; I just can handle it anymore. Its gotten to the stage, where im concerned that my ribs wont be able to support this throbbing for much longer. I don’t know who I am anymore, everything that I thought made me ‘me’, is slowly slipping away, which is horrible, because once its all gone, you really do have nothing.

But that brings me to my next topic; about not needing anyone, not wanting anything.. just being happy with life in general. No cherries required, no kiss on the cheek, just being in the existence of this world, it’s a great feeling. I like finding those lines, that are there to be crossed, and walking past those people, with that incredible smile, that they share with the world, day in, day out. The ones you walk past in the mall, and they smile at you like you’ve known each other you entire life. Those kind of people, make you have some form of faith, some sort of belief, that everything happens for a reason.

In the end,
I refuse to let the past detract me from greatness. There's a pack of wolves biting at my ankles, but i haven't stopped running yet.