So hear i am.. in this 'new life'.. and i love it. I dont regret letting anyone go, and i dont regret any choices made.. After all, at some point it was excatly what i wanted, and i cant take that back so i see no point in making regrets. I have nothing from my pathedic past holding me back anymore, no questions running through my thoughts. This is now MY life, rather then everyone elses. i must admitt, theres still the smartass comments made and the occasional noesy questions get asked.. but i just ignore it like they were never said.
The main thing i've learnt over TIME is youu just gotta give things TIME. And as unconvenient as that may sounds its the only way anything will ever work out.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
eigroeGmcfuckme
I received an email this morning/last night from a person from my past. as i read it i got goose bumps down my entire body. The thought of not having her anymore makes me want to scream. Its just not fair, i dont think it was ment to happen this way, not so soon anyways. When someone means so much to you, how is it "fait" that they slipped away. Its not! its pure immaturity. I guess we were both way to alike, and the main thing we have in common is out stubbornness. i remember we use to argue about who was more stuborn, and that itself showed how stuborn we both really were.
Sneaking out to the beach just so i could see my 'dream girl', then getting megga busted and in bulk trouble all for me. Coming over every single weekend, doing things that no one could ever compare to the things we use to get up to. Running through the cane padocks then thinking that some creepy person from like, the wrong turn, was going to come get us because we were hiding in their cane. Jumping off giant huge rocks into water that you couldnt even imagin how deep it was, then me jumping on you back having difficulity swimmingg away from whatever i thought was below us; most likly a deep sea creature. You running up my stairs with you cacky ankel, tripping half way but getting up to meet me at the top. It was like we hadnt seen eachother in 5 years, when really it was only abot 2 weeks, both having tears in our eyes nothing felt more real then you bening in my arms again. Walking to the beach late at night with your boy, you climbing up a half built house, me worried sick you were going to fall. Scabby under age rages, that always seemed fun, becase we were with eachotherr. And then there was of course the one that got cancelled soo we decided to go get pizza, staring at drunken messes out the front of the shop was enough entertainment for us. Walking all around town trying to find nice clothes for you, just because you loved fashion so much. Getting our hair done togetherr. All our future plans and dreams..
But you right, wishes dont come true.
But i must admitt, i sure as hell miss you.
Sneaking out to the beach just so i could see my 'dream girl', then getting megga busted and in bulk trouble all for me. Coming over every single weekend, doing things that no one could ever compare to the things we use to get up to. Running through the cane padocks then thinking that some creepy person from like, the wrong turn, was going to come get us because we were hiding in their cane. Jumping off giant huge rocks into water that you couldnt even imagin how deep it was, then me jumping on you back having difficulity swimmingg away from whatever i thought was below us; most likly a deep sea creature. You running up my stairs with you cacky ankel, tripping half way but getting up to meet me at the top. It was like we hadnt seen eachother in 5 years, when really it was only abot 2 weeks, both having tears in our eyes nothing felt more real then you bening in my arms again. Walking to the beach late at night with your boy, you climbing up a half built house, me worried sick you were going to fall. Scabby under age rages, that always seemed fun, becase we were with eachotherr. And then there was of course the one that got cancelled soo we decided to go get pizza, staring at drunken messes out the front of the shop was enough entertainment for us. Walking all around town trying to find nice clothes for you, just because you loved fashion so much. Getting our hair done togetherr. All our future plans and dreams..
But you right, wishes dont come true.
But i must admitt, i sure as hell miss you.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
From an angle.
I’ve finally realised who matters, and who doesn’t.. Funny thing is; that lines been used so many times that its getting old and worn out, but I think this time its for real. I look back on my past and the one girl that I thought was everything slipped right through my fingers without any form of difficulty. The worst thing is, I didn’t even chase after her, and to add to it, I don’t regret letting her go. My so called “best friend” is now the one person that makes me sick, and that its self has a dramatic impact on my life. Not to mention all the other people that have fucked around, fucked off or fucked up. Its really nothing but a messed up story book, the tragedies go on and on. Good news though; is that this time I think I’ve reached the ‘end of the line’.
I must admit, I miss my past more then anything else in the world. But doesn’t everyone? Because really when you think about it, your past is everything you’ve ever know. I’m scared of what’s to come in the future and what’s right in front of me, hear in my presence, that hasn’t yet became clear enough to take in. But for what its worth I may as well say, bring it on. I think I’ve faced every difficulty possible in the last year or so, and now nothing seems like ‘to much effort’, as really nothing is of any effort anymore. As doubtful as we make out life to be, we’ve really looked at it from the wrong angle. Honestly, life isn’t that bad. “You were given life because you are strong enough to live it”, and to me, that saying is so true, because we wouldn’t be hear, if we couldn’t be hear. Don’t focus on making other people happy, make yourself happy first. Don’t worry about making others proud, be proud of yourself. You don’t have to stick by a religion, you just have to believe in yourself. I have so much to say, but I can’t quite find the right words to construct a series of decent, half-understandable sentences. So until next time, JCR™.
I must admit, I miss my past more then anything else in the world. But doesn’t everyone? Because really when you think about it, your past is everything you’ve ever know. I’m scared of what’s to come in the future and what’s right in front of me, hear in my presence, that hasn’t yet became clear enough to take in. But for what its worth I may as well say, bring it on. I think I’ve faced every difficulty possible in the last year or so, and now nothing seems like ‘to much effort’, as really nothing is of any effort anymore. As doubtful as we make out life to be, we’ve really looked at it from the wrong angle. Honestly, life isn’t that bad. “You were given life because you are strong enough to live it”, and to me, that saying is so true, because we wouldn’t be hear, if we couldn’t be hear. Don’t focus on making other people happy, make yourself happy first. Don’t worry about making others proud, be proud of yourself. You don’t have to stick by a religion, you just have to believe in yourself. I have so much to say, but I can’t quite find the right words to construct a series of decent, half-understandable sentences. So until next time, JCR™.
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